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As its Wellness Wednesday we are going to be talking about wellness and wellness also comes in the form of relationship wellness. Now any relationship needs work, whether that's tonnes of work from the inside or tonnes of work together to get to an end point and a happy point from both parties. Look at how you are feeling right now about your relationship. Close your eyes and visualise your relationship right now. Visualise you and your partner together. What would you be doing right now? How do you feel? If a feeling of dread comes up then there is work to be done. If a feeling of stillness and happiness comes up then that's great. How does this make you feel towards spending time with each other.
Wherever you are in your relationship, know that it takes work to stay or work through the hard, stressful and demanding times. A relationship is a commitment towards each other because you want to be with them and want to make them happy. If you don't feel this towards your partner then you need to work on yourself first.
No one has the perfect relationship, the word PERFECT doesn't exist. Its called real life and real life gets in the way. When this happens, you need to reign it in and figure out where it is that you are going with your journey together.
My husband and I have 2 children and do you know what, it is so hard to get a conversation out without getting interrupted, you then get frustrated because you cant talk because the children are talking over you or demanding something, you then loose your trail of thought and get even more frustrated. This then builds and builds until you start to feel physically and mentally drained. We are the point in our family where we are feeling emotionally and physically drained so we are having a weekend off away from the children and just for us to have a 'couple weekend away' not parents, not mum and dad but husband and wife and do you know what, I cant wait. Of course we love our children dearly but sometimes we need 'us time' to for us to really feel that connection again and for us to find the reason why we got together in the first place. If you are feeling stuck then ask someone to have the children and go away for a mini break. It will do you the world of good.
You need to reconnect with your partner and again real life always takes over. I know a typical day probably looks a bit like this. Getting up in the morning and doing your morning routine, you might have a quick snuggle before getting up or you might just get up depending on how things are in the relationship, you might talk to each other or you might do your own things as you are in routine mode, say goodbye and out the door, that might be a kiss on the cheek or just a shout as you try to all get out the door (trust me we are both like this sometimes, again life just gets in the way) then you get home from work/ school run, cook dinner do a routine again, maybe even hardly talking, then put the kids to bed and relax on the sofa either both on devices or watching TV. Yes you are physically there with each other but are you mentally there with each other? Probably not. Or come dinner time do you both cook and flirt and mess around? Maybe, maybe not? Do you have dinner together sat at the kitchen table? Or is it a TV dinner? Whatever it is, can you see where I'm going with this. The other side to this is that there is not much communication going on at all, again its called real life but this is where you need to figure out where and when during your day are you actually communicating with each other.
Then it gets to bedtime, do you both have a routine for bedtime. That might mean one of you goes up to bed first and I see a lot of this with my clients or do you both go up to bed together? With us, we always go up to bed together. We were laughing the other day as it physically takes 15 minutes to actually get into bed. From when we turn off the TV, to then turning off all the lights and checking doors etc, to the cleaning our teeth and checking on the children to then actually getting into bed. Its quite funny really. What's your bedtime routine look like? I'd love to know so leave a comment below. Is it like ours lol or is it completely different?
Then when you get into bed, do you have a snuggle, a kiss and say goodnight with lights off or are you both on your phones or one of you is and one of you is reading a book? We can be both. We will always kiss each other goodnight but you can get into the routine of not kissing each other or having a snuggle and this then dwindles and before you know it, you just say goodnight and turn over and go to sleep. Whatever your bedtime routine looks like, how does it make you feel? Ask yourself really deeply how this makes you feel. Come back to these feelings often and change them. Why do you feel this way? Are you happy with the relationship and how it makes you feel? Are you sad about how this makes you feel? Start to journal your thoughts and notice each day how you are feeling with your days thought's and thought's of your relationship. If you do this over a period of time, you will then start to notice a pattern emerging and you will be able to do something about it.
You now need to weigh up if you are having to many bad thoughts about the relationship and what you can do about them or is it time for you to let go and move on. Has the relationship come to an end? Some relationships have a time limit on them and that is ok. Know that it happens sometimes and you both will be ok. If this starts to happen, you need to work on yourself first to figure out what it is that you want in your life right now. I see this a lot with my clients, they are just a little lost and not sure which direction to take in life. So working from the inside out for you personally and no one else will then give you a better perspective on life and what you actually want from it.
Ask for help from family or friends or a coach. Never feel like you can do it all on your own. You cant and we are not built to do it all on our own. Lets make life easier for ourselves. No one will remember you for doing it all on your own and running yourself into the ground, they'll remember you for you and all the amazing things you achieved from having more time to do things you want to do and living the life you deserve.
So have a look at your relationship and see where you can improve and why you want to improve it. A relationship is built on evolving, trust, love and communication. These four throughout your relationship will carry it through so it survives.
I would love to know where you feel a part of your relationship is going wrong and are not sure what to do. Leave a comment below and I will reply as soon as I can as I know this is painful for you.
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Have a great day.
Lots of love xxx