Updated: Jan 24
There are a few secrets for how to have a happy, healthy relationship and one of the secrets is Secret #3: The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side”
“How To Safely Let Go Of A Toxic Relationship If You Need To”
I had a client who had a toxic relationship. Her husband had cheated on her for 2 years and had had a long distance relationship with his mistress. His mistress lived on the other side of the world hence the long distance. To my client, she thought she had the perfect marriage. She had 2 children, had the perfect job in the city being as a financial adviser and loved her home in the country. To everyone else it seemed she had the perfect life. Her friends were jealous of the relationship she had with her husband. She thought everything was great, until one day she found a text on her husbands phone as she was just checking the time. Oh my gosh her whole world fell apart there and then. It read 'Cant wait to see you in a week, I've got a meeting in New York so we'll go out for dinner and maybe more'. Wow how could she carry on knowing this. She needed to confront him and know everything about it, even the intimate details. This absolutely crushed her. He confessed everything. He knew he still loved his wife but she just needed a break to figure out what to do especially with the children. Knowing everything made her physically sick but she needed to do this so she could try and move on. His answer to it was that they didn't have enough time for each other as they were both working, looking after the children and just had no couple time. You are a couple first and parents second. They forgot about this as it is hard when children come into the picture. Your whole world changes and you have to work even harder to keep the spark alive.
So for my client and her husband, they tried a trial separation for 1 month and during this time, they both knew that being apart worked better them then being together. The children were a lot happier and were happier seeing their parents apart and not arguing.
For my client this worked well but for you it might not for you. You both need to sit down and communicate with each other and figure out what is wrong in the relationship. If one of you is feeling tense or not happy, you really need to talk to your partner. Its all about communication. Communication is key to any relationship. If we go back to my client the real reason why her husband went off and sort other attention was because there was not any proper communication within their marriage. They had stopped laughing and messing around with each other. They had stopped cuddling and kissing each other. They had stopped staying goodbye or hello at the door before and after work. They just became friendly and not in love.
If you are starting to feel this way, please communicate with your partner. Try flirting with each other again. It might feel weird as you haven't done that for a while or try sending intimate texts to one another or have a date night once a week or once a month. If you have tried this and you really feel you are not getting anywhere then try and sit down again an communicate and see what the other person is feeling.
Has your partner fallen out of love with you or fallen out of love with the idea of your marriage? If one of you is not 100% fully committed in the relationship then this maybe the time to go your separate ways. Start off with a trial separation and see how both of you feel after that amount of time away from each other. It might make you want the relationship to work or it might make you think that being apart is a lot better for the relationship and family. Let time take its course.
Journal how you are feeling everyday and after a week go back and read your first journal entry. Compare how you felt from then until now. Do it again after 1 month and see what the differences are. You will know what the right decision is and it will be right for you.
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